Hangers
I don't know what it is. Hangers and i just don't get along. When they are in my closet, it seems as though they get all crossed up with each other. When i try to remove a shirt, the hanger seems to 'hang' on something. If my wife or daughter hangs something (on a hanger) on the edge of the ironing board, or on a drawer pull or doorknob, i always seem to get hung on it.
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"You obviously have too much time on your hands."
How judgemental is that? I'm not a golfer, but i respect people who choose to go out and spend four hours golfing. I respect those who choose to spend time watching sports on TV, or whatever. All i ask is that people respect my choice of spending my time thinking about things like pixel depth or aspect ratio or grammar or anything else.
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multiple columns in printed material
Okay. Multiple columns of printed text look great on a printed page, but they are inconvenient to view on a browser. First i have to read the left column and scroll down. Then, i have to scroll up to read the right column. I look forward to the day when all printed text will just go all the way across the page. Maybe we should start a petition.
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"11 x 17"
Well, that's not really true. I don't mind 11 x 17 inch paper. I have nothing against it. In fact, i think it's quite nice. The problem is after something has been printed on it. The ANSI standard for paper sizes mandates that the width be mentioned first and the height second. So when one says "11 x 17" one is talking about a document where 11 inches is the width and 17 inches is the height. If this document is an engineering drawing and it is printed in the "landscape" orientation, it is properly referred to as a "17 x 11" inch drawing.
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"Donuts" instead of "Doughnuts."
As for me, i want to eat a nut made of dough instead of a nut made of do. Perhaps the mental anguish of this is why i prefer to have smoked salmon or kippered herring for breakfast.
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Big groups of people at restaurants, where tables are pushed together. I know the intent here is good, but a person can only talk to the few who are in the immediate vicinity. It just seems like it causes more headaches for the restaurant and the wait staff. Why not just split up and sit at separate tables?
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Putting brown sugar, or other sweeteners, on Sweet Potatoes. Aren't they already sweet?
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Base Ten.
It would have been so much easier if we'd learned how to count in Base 12. Of course, then, we would refer to Base 12 as Base 10. Mental math would be so much easier. 10 / 2 = 6, 10 / 3 = 4, 10 / 4 = 3. Thirds and Fourths would result in whole numbers instead of fractions.
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"Six Sigma" (A program that is supposed to help improve the quality of a process)
A Sigma is a standard deviation. If we are trying to drive out all deviation from the process, isn't our goal to have no deviations? Why isn't the program called Zero Sigma? (I suppose, then, a "Black Belt" would be better referred to as a "señor Zero." (Apologies to Sesame Street))
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"Go put your shoes and socks on."
Shouldn't this be reversed?
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"Hybrid" vehicles. To my knowledge, there are no hybrid vehicles on the road. A hybrid vehicle is one where the drive is purely electric and the fossil fuel engine drives a generator. Diesel-Electric locomotoves are examples of hybrid vehicles. So i suppose the current crop of "hybrids" on the road are better referred to as "quasi-hybrid," or "psuedo-hybrid."
Perhaps some clarification is in order here. I would love to see someone offer a Hybrid vehicle. I think they are way past due. The current crop of "quasi-hybrids" are a good first step. The car manufacturers just need to take the plunge and create a real one. But then one has to ask, in what percentage of cases would we even need to turn on the fossil fuel engine? If most of the driving is comprised of short trips and commuting, the batteries would do just fine. Why not remove the fossil fuel engine and generator and leave it at home for the majority of trips? It could be pulled on a trailer for long trips.
See the bottom of my Links page and go to the website for Tesla Motors.
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"Safety is my Goal," or "Safety is job 1," or some variation of that. If safety is job one, then why don't we stay home in bed all day? Safety should be the adverb, not the verb. My goal is to _____ as safely as possible.
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Quartz clocks with pendulums
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"Butler's Tables" that don't separate from the legs. Is the Butler really expected to carry the whole table in the kitchen?
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Food portions, in restaurants, that are just too big. One regular entree at many U.S. restaurants could feed small villages in some countries.
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Answering machines that go on and on.
After the personalized message is heard, the system comes on and states "to leave a message, begin speaking at the tone. To page this person... to do this... to do that... " It just keeps going on and on. Why do i have to listen to all this? Why can't i just leave a message? Why am i troubled by insignificant things such as this?
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"Do" as the main verb.
"We do carpet cleaning," instead of "We clean carpets." Or...
"We do car detailing," instead of "We detail cars." Or...
"We do cabinet building," instead of "We build cabinets."
It seems as though we have been submersed in "Do."
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Wrongly numbered months. What's up with this?
How many arms does an Octopus have? How many sides does an Octagon have? 8? Then why is 'Oct'ober the '10th' month?
Decimal is based on 10, right? Decade is 10. So why is 'Dec'ember 12?
The year used to start in March. September really was the 7th month. October was the 8th, November the 9th, and December the 10th; just like the names indicate. When Pope Gregory the XIII changed the calendar in 1582, he moved the beginning of the year from March to January. I guess he just didn't take the time to rename the months appropriately. I've been confused ever since.
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Greed
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Signs that indicate "Don't do this" when they don't point out what TO do. For example, a sign at an escalator that indicates "no strollers or rolling luggage allowed," yet the sign doesn't point out where the elevator is.
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"Common Sense"
I know of no 'sense' that is common to all cultures, all countries, all people, and all time periods. When i hear the phrase "Common Sense," i hear "why don't people think the way i do"?
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Deli's or sandwich shops, or the like, where the workers wear gloves but do not change them when they make your sandwich. I've seen workers come out of the back where it looks like they were mopping floors and they never took off their gloves.
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"Wireless Cable"
????????? Am i missing something here? If a cable has no wires, it's not a cable. This is like saying "Milkless Milkshake," or "Onionless Onionrings."
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Commas and periods outside of quotes. In other words: "test", instead of "test," or "test". instead of "test."
Periods and commas always belong inside the quote. Always. There are no exceptions. Reference "The Chicago Manual of Style," section 6.8. Also, reference "The Elements of Style," by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White.
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"110 Volts"
It's been 120 Volts for what, 50 years or so? Why are we still saying 110???
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"The Vacuum of Space"
There is no vacuum in space. There is only space. Earth has a pressurized atmosphere. In order to emulate space while here on Earth, we have to get a container and evacuate the air. Hence, a "Vacuum." So, from the perspective of living on Earth, space looks like a vacuum. But space is just space.
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"I just got my hair cut."
Hmmmm. Which one? While you were at it, why didn't you get all of them cut?
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"Pair of pants."
Excuse me, i only wear one pant at a time. If it is a single piece of clothing, how is it called "a pair"? Yes, i know that it has two legs. I can understand saying "a pair of socks." A "pair of shorts" is even worse; especially if it is referring to briefs. Briefs have no legs. There goes the "it has two legs" argument. Does one say "a pair of thong"? I think not.
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"Acronym" (or the usage of the word thereof)
Here's the deal. An acronym is only an acronym if it is spoken as a word. For example:
SCUBA - Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus
RADAR - RAdio Detection And Ranging
DINK - Dual Income No Kids
UNIMOG - UNIverselles MOtorGerät (German for Universal Motor Device)
If the abbreviation is not spoken as a word, as in ATM (Automated Teller Machine), it is not an acronym, it is an initialism. Even worse is the grammatical faux pax "ATM machine" or "LCD display." Which would translate, respectively, to "Automated Teller Machine machine" or "Liquid Crystal Display display."
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"Weighing" in grams (or Kilograms)
This practice should be stopped immediately! The gram (or kilogram) is the SI (systeme internationale) unit of Mass. Mass is a measure of the quantity of matter. Weight is a unit of force and is measured in Newtons. Here's the deal. Let's say i have a mass of 90 kg. This translates to a weight of 882 Newtons. I have a mass of 90 kg here on earth. I have a mass of 90 kg in the space shuttle (orbiting the earth), and i have a mass of 90 kg on the moon. Pretty simple. Now, as far as weight goes; i have a weight of 882 Newtons here on earth. I have a weight of near zero Newtons while on the space shuttle, and i have a weight of about 147 Newtons on the moon. My mass stays the same, but my weight changes as the acceleration due to gravity changes.
So next time you are in science class, please inquire of your instructor, "why do we 'weigh' in grams"? You will probably be whelmed by the answer. (Or the instructor will be whelmed by the question).
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"Overwhelmed"
To be "Whelmed" is to be overcome by the floodwaters. So what difference could it possibly make to be "Over-Whelmed"? Next time somebody says something that is out there, try replying with "I'm whelmed."
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"au gratin"
So where are the bread crumbs? "au gratin" means "with gratings," or "with scrapings (of bread)." "Made with a lightly browned crust of bread crumbs." "au fromage" means "with cheese."
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"To be Honest..."
Oh no! You mean that, up until this point, everything you've said to me hasn't been honest? Now i have to go back and try to remember what you said and reverse it all. I'm so confused.
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"Don't take my word for it."
Why not? Life is too short to spend around people who openly admit that their word is untrustworthy and unreliable. I want to spend my time with people whose word i can take to the bank.
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"Rice Pilaf"
"Pilaf" means "On a bed of Rice." So "Rice Pilaf" means "Rice on a bed of Rice."
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"Whether or not"
Whether, basically, means "If or not." So "Whether or not" roughly translates to "if or not or not." It's repeatedly redundant. Just like "Shrimp Scampi." "Scampi" is Italian for "Shrimp," so "Shrimp Scampi" means "Shrimp Shrimp." No wonder i walk around in a daily daze.
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Escalator Handrails that move at a different speed than the steps.
What's up with this? I think something should be done about this technological outrage!
Vote for me, and i'll make sure that this is high on the list of priorities of things to fix, such that we can all live in a more tranquil world.
Eric Stromberg